Reasons
by Sceaduw
Summary: A Cross Marian and Klaud Nine little story that took place before Cross left the Black Order to pick up Allen Walker.
1. Chapter 3 : Reason to Die

_**Chapter Three : Reason to Die**_

By Sceaduw

It had never been about saving people from Akumas. It had always been about protecting the territories of the Vatican from the Millennium Earl. As long as the battle could be won, exorcists were expendable. Who then even cared about mere non-exorcists?

I stood at the center of the dimly-lit hall. Usually, criminals would be in chains before this court. As an Exorcist General, I was immuned. Judgement Hall was the place where exorcists were tried for treason, unfit to practise and other things that went against the Black Order regulations or laws by the Vatican. Usually, I would be one of the Generals sitting up there on the bench and not standing down here, waiting to be sentenced. Exorcists and officials were gradually entering the hall, placing themselves in the rows of seats on either side of the wall. Before me was a huge alter with the magnificent and symbolistic statute of the Black Order rose cross, and set up in front of it was a long bench that would be seated with six important persons. In less than 5 minutes, the other four senior Exorcist Generals - Froi Tiedoll, Kevin Yeegar, Cross Marian and Winters Sokaro, would occupy the four seats at both end of the bench. The two empty seats in the middle will be occupied by Komui Lee, the supervisor of the Black Order, and Malcom Rouvelier, the pitbull from Vatican. I was mentally prepared for public humiliation by Rouvelier, but I was not sure if I was prepared to face General Sokaro. He was the only General who had showed encouragements to me during my training days when everyone else looked down on me. He had high hopes for me and I was about to bring shame to him.

Closing my eyes briefly, I rehearsed my defense for the trial. There was no defense really. The fact was I lost all the retrieved Innocence to a Noah. They would judge me as unsuitable to be a General. Maybe they would sentence me back to be an ordinary exorcist where I originally started off as. Well, that wouldn't be too bad… I just needed to start all over again, working and gaining experience as I go along. I still had my life, own my Innocence and my synchronization was still perfect.

But I didn't want that sentence… Whenever I closed my eyes I could see them. I could not start over again, not without my team mates.

Death seemed like a favorable option. I just wished I would be sentenced to death, stripped of my Innocence. Right now, living was meaningless to me. I had no one to fight for. The Vatican, the Black Order or the human race… none of them were really on my mind. Cross… why was I thinking of this monstrous man at this moment? I hadn't talked to him since my recovery. He was around somewhere in the Black Order headquarters, I sometimes caught a glimpse of him from a long distance but never once at close proximity. He was definitely hiding from me… or maybe I was instinctively avoiding him. He did not kill me eventually, but neither did he explain anything to me.

I stopped suspecting Cross to be a traitor. Not because of his unclear apology, but he was a very smart person. If he were to betray the Black Order, no one would have noticed anything until everything was too late. Cross Marian was one of the senior Generals, although he was not as old as the other Generals. He was around his thirties, slightly older than I was. I was only twenty-five… too young, too rash, too arrogant. That man would be one of the judges sitting up there in a moment. I didn't know how I should face that man.

The surrounding hustles and noises of the exorcists suddenly faded as if God had turned down the volume. I opened my eyes slowly and saw six souls had already seated at the long bench. There was General Cross Marian, sitting on the second left seat next to Malcom Rouvelier, smiling slyly at me like a cunning fox. I looked blankly at him, ignoring his smiles. I had no idea why the other females found him so attractive with that annoying half-moon-shaped mask on his face. Why was he wearing that mask anyway? Maybe he had huge scars on his face and he would want to shield them like what I was doing now? I had been wearing my hair loosely since I left the hospital ward, leaving half of my scarred face covered with my long bangs. Some of the scars were seen from time to time as my hair swayed back and forth while I was moving around. Usually the people around me just pretended they did not see me. I was basically invisible to everyone until today. I never knew so many people cared to know about what happened that day at the Dark Forest until all these souls busily trying to find a seat in the Judgement Hall.

"General Klaud Nine! Are you guilty of your sins?" boomed the man. I looked up calmly at Rouvelier. His voice echoed in the hall, bouncing off every wall and into the ears of all those present. His sudden roar shook the young supervisor sitting next to him. Komui Lee shifted his pose uneasily and adjusted his glasses with his fingers. Was he supposed to frighten me? Obviously Rouvelier had never been to a battlefield and hadn't heard the war cries of Akumas before. Everyone waited for my response… but, what sort of question was that?

"Malcom, everyone is guilty of their sins. Can you be more specific as to whether General Nine had or had not done in the Dark Forest that led to some consequences which the moral world… or the Vatican… would consider a 'sin'?" asked General Kevin Yeegar, the eldest of the Generals. General Marian produced an obvious snicker as the General raised his query gently. Both Komui Lee and General Froi Tiedoll raised one of their eyebrows simultaneously at the question. I crossed my arms and shifted my standing position while I waited for Rouvelier to rephrase his question. There were some suppressed laughter from the audience but were silenced by an angry stare from the embarrassed chairman.

"General Klaud Nine, are you guilty of losing the Innocence you were escorting in the Dark Forest?" asked Rouvelier. His eyes were fixed on me like a snake on a rat. He might be a snake, but I wasn't a rat and intimidation was the last thing I would feel from him. Every General Exorcist could squeeze the life out of Malcom Rouvelier with ease. It would be as simple as General Cross stealing a kiss from a woman. We were all tolerating this Vatican man for the sake of the other younger or non-exorcists. The Black Order was founded upon the authorization and funding of the Vatican. It would be very unwise to have the Black Order being labeled as a pagan society and being hunted down. Although the Vatican did not show any understanding or mercy to the exorcists but merely treated us as 'weapons' against the Akumas, they did finance us handsomely in whatever we needed. Especially the extraordinary expenditures of certain General Exorcists – the many exotic art objects of General Tiedoll, General Cross' drinking and women problems… But most of all, our medical expenses. Nearly 85% of the money funded from Vatican was used on our medical supplies.

Akumas from the Earl, Exorcists from the Vatican. The only difference between us was that we are the ones who survived after battles. To the Vatican, it was worse than a sin to lose the Innocence to the Noah. I would have to die a thousand times and die over again for another thousand times to repay this sin.

"Yes. I am," I spoke calmly, waiting for Rouvelier to give me a death sentence. General Marian crossed his legs and placed them on the bench loudly. He yawned and stretched his back, making some strange noises despite Rouvelier's glare of death.

"General Nine… are you sure it was your responsibility that –"

"Of course it was her responsibility, Komui Lee! She was leading the team, was she not?" again Rouvelier roared and interrupted the young man's question.

"I thought we are supposed to be a jury here?" asked General Kevin Yeegar again, seemingly annoyed at hearing Rouvelier's excessively loud voice, "Speak, General Klaud Nine. Tell us what happened in the Dark Forest and the ALL six of us will judge if the losing of the Innocence was your sole responsibility. Then we shall decide a suitable punishment depending on the seriousness of your mis-behaviours."

I tightened my lips as General Yeegar looked at me sincerely. A tear was at the edge of rolling off the rim of my left eye. I should not deserve such mercy from the others. I killed my team and it was an undeniable fact. Holy Father I had sins, sins of pride. Before I knew it, I had lowered my head in shame, allowing my long bangs to cover half of my face.

"Say it quick, General Nine! Don't waste our time!" said General Sokaro. I looked up to him in reflex to his strong tone. General Winters Sokaro eyed me sharply behind his metal helmet. When I was still a freshman exorcist, he used to lecture me frequently how I needed to be extra strong and tough because I was a female. This world preferred to pick on the weak and discriminate against the females. He emphasized that if I wanted to survive, I could never show emotions in front of anyone, not even myself. And that was exactly how I survived… until this incident.

Back at the hospital, I broke down into tears in front of General Cross. God knew what he would think of me now. He would think I was a weakling, no difference from those other women who submitted into him.

"Look, I don't want to waste time here while the Earl is out snatching more Innocence," said General Cross lazily, "Whatever happened, had happened. What was lost, was lost and will never return." He stood up and adjusted his black hat. Timcampy flew down and sat comfortably on top of his hat. They were about to get up from the bench.

What was he doing? Was he leaving? We were still in the middle of… or was just starting the trial.

"If they were meant for you, they will definitely return to you no matter how lost they became; if they were not meant for you, they will be lost even if you held on to them tightly. You should grow up and embrace life, General Klaud Nine." said General Cross as he turned his back to me.

"Marian Cross! Are you taking the Innocence so lightly? They are sacred to the Vatican!" Rouvelier stood up and bellowed at General Marian, "You will talk to me directly and not hinting at me like this! The Innocence must not be lost and they must be recovered!"

"No, Rouvelier, I was talking to my Klaud. My God, can't you even recognize your own name?" growled General Marian annoyingly at Rouvelier. Everyone in the Black Order knew how General Marian hated other men being close to him, especially ugly ones. I would bet my chastity if Rouvelier was not a Vatican official, he would be sent flying ten feet away by now.

"General Nine, your Innocence will be retrieved and never to be an exorcist again if you admit to be guilty of what you believed to be your fault. I demand you to think carefully before you speak," said General Yeegar as he pulled on General Cross' long black gown, gesturing him to sit down at once. General Cross sat back down with a huff and lit a cigarette impatiently. The smoke elicited some grumbles from Rouvelier. I waited for them all to settle back and quiet down before I gave my reply.

"I have no denial in my sins. Please sentence me!" I said as I closed my eyes. There they were again, my comrades, all looking so sad. I was sorry for keeping them waiting, but I would join them very soon.

There was a loud thud. I snapped open my eyes. General Sokaro had stood up abruptly and knocked over his chair. I felt his fury radiating from behind his armour and helmet. General Cross breathed out a puff of smoke slowly and General Froi Tiedoll shook his head disapprovingly as the armored General stormed towards me. I tried to stay still as the angry man stormed towards me and raised his fist. He was ready to strike me down. I glared at the raised hand and did not blink.

The blow never came. The angry fist halted in mid air, trembling with rage.

"How could you, of all exorcists, give away your life so easily? Where is your pride?" the General blasted.

"Pride is one of the seven sins that I had too much of already, General Sokaro… Thank you for giving me a lot of useful advice all these years. By all means, hit me, I could not be hurt anymore," I said without much hesitation. Although I was smiling at the metal reflection of myself, I sensed tears were already filling up dangerously inside me, ready to overflow any minute. I swallowed hard, what embarrassment and disappointment I must have been to him.

"Go ahead and cry, Klaud dear. If that will make you feel better," General Marian Cross snickered. He exhaled a puff of white smoke slowly and Timcampy fluttered around the hazy cloud for a moment before settling down onto Cross' hat again. He sighed mockingly, "I can lend you my shoulder to cry on. You are a great woman! I am going to miss you if you resign from the Black Order, honey." Before my blood pressure could rise in response to this insult, he continued, "But if you resign, then I guess I will have to recover the lost Innocence for you. Well, Rouvelier, I now agree with you that we should never have sent a girl to do a man's job. Now we have to clean up the mess."

"It's a bit too late to regret now, aren't we, General? Shall we conclude on the judgement now?" said Rouvelier, believing that finally someone was on his side. He seemed refreshed after General Cross made his statement. My chest was about to explode with rage. I clenched my teeth and my right hand was about to reach for my whip when General Sokaro grabbed my wrist. He shook his head slightly. If I could have a last wish upon death sentence, my wish would be to castrate General Cross Marian.

I shook off General Sokaro's grip. General Sokaro swore silently and turned swiftly to return back to his seat to vote. I knew I was too rash to be so obviously annoyed by their little conversation in degrading me. General Tiedoll rubbed his chin lightly while General Yeegar rubbed his temple hard. They both seemed to be in deep thoughts about my suitable sentence. While waiting for the Generals to come to a decision, the audience began to discuss among themselves. I heard there were a few distinct curses targeted on Rouvelier and I was sure he had heard them too. General Marian was speaking to Rouvelier but I could not hear them from the distant. There were some exchanges between General Yeegar, General Tiedoll and Komui Lee too. They too were discussing in a very soft voice and I could not hear them among the noisy crowd of spectators. General Sokaro remained silent all the time. After a while, the crowd hushed again as Rouvelier cleared his throat loudly, ready to deliver the decisions from the Generals and Komui Lee.

"We have come to a decision, General Klaud Nine. We found you guilty of losing the Innocence," announced Rouvelier. There were loud noises from the audience, interrupting Rouvelier's speech. I closed my eyes and waited for him to continue. Rouvelier cleared his throat again and the audience settled back down into silence. I opened my eyes and fixed my stare at Rouvelier. "General Klaud Nine, you are to remain as a General and to mentor and lead another squad to retrieve back the same number of Innocence that you had lost in the Dark Forest. Your duty will resume tomorrow. You will be reporting to General Sokaro after each mission and General Sokaro will be reporting to me. Do you comprehend of your sentence?"

I blinked. I was surprised and I did not hide my emotions. I managed to squeeze out a verbal affirmative after a few seconds.

General Tiedoll held out his palm and quickly made a thumb up gesture. The six men then dismissed themselves from the bench. Marian Cross was the first one to leave the scene. He seemed to be quite desperate to get as far away from Rouvelier and as soon as possible. I was indeed puzzled by the merciful judgement. There must be a reason behind this decision but none of the Generals would tell me afterwards. General Tiedoll smiled gently at me and gave me a thumb-up signal.

"There will come a time for you to join the others, General Nine. When the time comes, it should be for a just reason," said General Yeegar as he walked past me. General Sokaro followed General Yeegar out of the hall swiftly and Komui Lee spoke a few words with Rouvelier before Rouvelier left the hall. Their words were so faint that I could not catch any of their conversation.

"My apologies that you have to put up with Rouvelier, General Klaud. I have no control over that man… Please take good care of yourself. There is no hurry, take your time to heal your wounds," said Komui Lee who waited for me at the doorway. I nodded slightly at him. Why should he be the one apologising? He had always been very protective over fellow exorcists. It never was any of his fault.

"My wounds are all better now, I can leave for action tonight," I reassured the young supervisor. My wounds have nearly all healed since we had excellent medical equipment and medications. Still, he looked so sad.

"It takes time to heal, General. It takes a great deal more to move on, but I believe you can and you will," said Komui and he gave me a faint smile. He continued, "Please do not hate General Marian. He is not what you think he is. You know how odd people have odd behaviours."

I didn't really understand his words. Marian Cross was not what I thought he was? He was exactly what I thought he was! But for the sake of Komui Lee, I would believe him. The love of Komui for his little sister and his determination to sign his own death warrant by joining the Black Order at his own will was a legend in the Black Order. I was one of the many being touched by this living legend. I smiled at him and left the hall. It had only been an hour since I entered this hall, but it seemed like a whole day had passed already.

-to be continued-


	2. Chapter 2 : Reason to Fight

_**Chapter Two : Reason to Fight**_

"Hurry up, Timcampy!" calling out to my golem, I further speeded up my pace.

If I had wings, I would be flying already. Timcampy had wings but it was trying hard to catch up with me. At this late hour, Klaud's team should already been ambushed by the Akumas. If only Malcom Rouvelier had released me earlier. How I hated that man from Vatican. He was anything far from holy. If he had to be a "holy" something, it could only be "holy shit". I wouldn't waste a tenth of a second on that man if the Black Order did not have to worry about its relations with the Vatican.

How could he deliberately kept me in his office until the last minute and assigned another mission for me at this moment. If Rouvelier found out I went to help Klaud instead of going on my assigned mission, I would be suspended from duty for God knew how long. Not that I liked working for them but I won't get paid if I got suspended. The troubles I already had with the Vatican because of my "fame" in burning their wealth on fine wine and women. My name was no doubt proudly inscribed on their little black list. I knew they had to put up with me because I was one of the best Exorcist General they ever had in their battle against the Millennium Earl. But not General Klaud Nine.

I made a huge leap over a pile of shattered rocks and burnt woods, "Hang in there, Klaud. I'm coming."

Sometimes I suspected Rouvelier loathed the idea of having a female as a General. He was, afterall, the typical type of fool that truly believed females should be inferior to males. It made sense that Klaud was a sore in his eyes. Her presence as a General was too supernatural for him to accept.

I made another leap over some dense bushes. "Good woman is always stubborn," I sighed inwardly.

How I wished my forecast about the attack was incorrect. Unfortunately I knew the Earl too well, he would definitely send out more than just Akumas to hijack the Innocence. Why didn't you listen to me, Klaud? You had too much youth and too much pride. There was no obvious road ahead. The Dark Forest was close. If it was Rouvelier who recommended her to take this route, I swore I would tear him to pieces. I could smell fire and blood from a distance. Things definitely look gloomy ahead. If anything happened to Klaud... My beautiful and talented Klaud. I refused to let anything happening to this fine woman, not when she never once submitted to my charms.

The sight of a ruined and unsightly woodland appeared. No sooner, I began to see dead bodies lying on the ground and hanging from tree branches. All good thoughts fled from my head. I grimaced and wiped Klaud's face off my mind. It was not a good time to think dirty. I might need to put up a good fight against the possible appearance of the Noah.

As I approached the center of the Dark Forest, I slowed down and observed the surroundings. I held my beloved Innocence 'Judgement' ready at hand. My Innocence was one of a kind. An Innocence weapon in the form of a gun came in handy when I could fire multiple rounds at will from long distance if I saw Akumas ahead. No close encounters were needed and I hated to get mud and blood on me. Unless, of course, it was from a gorgeous woman. Then I surely wouldn't mind cleaning up her body. I shook my head again as the face of the imaginary naked woman became that of General Klaud Nine.

"Damn," I silently cursed. Klaud deserved more respect from me. I should be worried. It was too quiet. Where was Klaud?

"Having happy dreams?" a voice giggled out of no where.

I halted and fired three rounds instantly at a large oak tree a few yards ahead. Timcampy bumped onto the back of my head, knocking my hat off.

A small girl in a black dress, with black-and-white stockings, emerged from behind the huge tree trunk. She smiled and waved at me with her cute little orange umbrella. Her umbrella had a very peculiar pumpkin head stuck to the sharp pointy end. I recognised her. She was Road Kamelot. Although looking no more than a twelve-year-old, she was the eldest daughter of the Noahs. I knew it, a dozen of Innocence was an excellent bait to lure out the Earl. He did send out the children of Noah. I waved back at her with my free hand, barely smiling and kept my Judgement locked onto her.

"Lost in the woods, little girl? Let me send you back to hell!" I said as I pulled the trigger again. I had made it just in time. Now I could postpone this Noah from reaching Klaud and she should have enough time to fight through the Akumas.

Road narrowed her dark grey eyes at me as she dodged the bullet, "Exorcist General, you wish to go save your companions?" The girl advanced towards me, swirling the umbrella in circles with her left hand while her right hand in her dress pocket. Her lips curled up to a ghastly smile, "Well, you will have to play with me first."

Good, that was what I wanted. Let's play! I gave the demon child a wide grin.

Road drew out a short blade from her pocket and licked the dried blood on the blunt side. The blood on the blade did not seem to originate from the Noah and Akumas did not have blood according to my knowledge. My eyes widened but the last thing you wanted to show to the Noah was fear. The girl began to sing to herself, "I am going to enjoy this… killing two Exorcist Generals in one afternoon. Earl will be so proud of me! Proud of me!"

My heart missed a beat. Two? Surely one of the quotas was intended to be for me entirely at her own wild imagination, but the other one…

"Road-sama, Road-sama! Please take the Innocence back to Earl-sama at once! Earl-sama would not be pleased if you risk losing the fresh Innocence at your own games with this exorcist!" squeaked the tiny pumpkin head on the umbrella.

"Oh, but I want to play for a bit longer with Exorcist Generals! It is such a shame to kill them eventually. They are so fun to torture! They can last long hours of immense pain! Really, really I can't play with him too?" sang Road, dancing around and wielding her umbrella. If she was trying to irritate me, she had succeeded. I fired a couple of rounds at the horrid little child, chasing after her as she squealed happily. Dodging the bullets, she jumped onto the lowest branch of the oak tree.

"It's not nice to lie at such a young age!" I called out coldly to Road Kamelot while summoning my second Innocence 'Grave of Maria'. There was no way I could run from a fight with Noah. I needed to end this fight as soon as possible. I refused to believe the worst had happened. I trusted General Klaud Nine.

"Such impatience! I don't like you, I won't play with you anymore. I am taking the Innocence back to see Earl-sama!" cried the Noah girl as she summoned a pink stylish door from thin air and left through it. She left behind a nasty echo of crazed laughter. I snatched my fallen hat from the ground and kept on running ahead. Where was Klaud? Her squad was here. They were attacked here. Where could she be? Where had she fallen?

There were bits and pieces of human remains everywhere. Not far from the massacre laid a bloodily mauled Exorcist General. I finally found Klaud.

I stopped a few feet from her unmoving body. Her lips were slightly parted and her face was drowned in blood. Her golden hair, now stained orange, sprawled out around her head, tangled with mud and caked blood. I held my breath. My stomach protested a little but I was used to awful scenes on the battlefields. I closed my eyes for a second. This sight was making me really uncomfortable. I was upset. Klaud was deliberately tortured but left alive by the Noah.

The Noahs killed without mercy. This was the first as far as I knew. Maybe the Noah was fond of a rare female General, just like a child fond of a rare toy. She left Klaud alive to suffer the lost of her team. I walked towards her, breaking several fallen branches softly under my footsteps. My military trench coat soaked up a mixture of blood and mud as I knelt down beside her. Klaud's blood. I saw her chest shifted very slowly. Although ever so slightly, it was a good indication of her still breathing. I must do something fast. She was losing her strength along with her will to live.

Klaud treasured her team too much to let them go. She would be with them no matter where they were. I would not let that happen. General Klaud Nine would survive and fight another day. Her fate was not supposed to end today, not like this.

What was best to stimulate her at this moment? There must be something that I could do to get her fighting again! So far, the only way for me to get Klaud's eyes on me was to get her pissed off. Although that was not what I always originally intended, it always ended with her slapping me across the face.

"How much time are you going to waste here? Get up when you already had enough beauty sleep. I want my red wine," my deep voice echoed through the dense air. Did I just say that? I was such an asshole. To my relief, the injured woman snap opened her eyes. My 'resuscitation' act worked! Her lips trembled and I saw the fine muscles on her clawed face jumped with pain. Klaud was losing it again. She would need further stimulations.

"Shouldn't have sent a girl to do a man's job in the first place. Now they want me to clean up the mess that you have stirred up." I spoke, trying to sound as annoying as possible. My stomach still tightened as I watched her fighting the pain. If provocation was what kept Klaud fighting, then I would play the role of the super bastard.

Her face twisted a little with anger now. I knew she would love to smack me in the face if she still had the will to do it. Strength, I believe, she still had. It was the will, dying along with her team. She squinted her eyes at me but I doubted she could see me through those blood on her eyes.

"I told you, Noah was a tough one. And the Earl sent Road. No wonder your ass was kicked bad. You owe me three bottles of red wine," I snorted and I guessed that did it. She glared at me now. I tried to hide my smile but didn't succeed. I felt relieved. Sparks of fury were reappearing in her eyes.

"What? You didn't forget, did you? I bet you three bottles of red wine that you will be attacked by a Noah. Your brains are not mashed, are they?" I pretended to frown. If Klaud didn't spring to her feet right now, I guessed I would just have to carry her back to Headquarters. She would definitely crush my skull for touching her afterwards.

"Come back to me, Klaud," I whispered silently. Looking into her eyes, I drowned into the deep blue. I knew she was too serious a woman to be fond of a too unserious man. She didn't have to love me to come back. She could come back and hate me, to fight me and become stronger.

A faint smile flashed across her face. She headbutted me! I did not comprehend that sort of smile but the sudden pain snapped me out of my deep thoughts. I nearly fell backwards by the force. I was very surprised indeed and gave a muffled cry. Klaud then fell back onto the muddy ground.

"What the hell? You are not passing out on me here, Klaud! I will not carry you back to the headquarters!" I yelled, rubbing my sore chin as I leaned closer to her bloody face. I checked to see if she was just playing dead. She was not playing dead and she really had passed out. But she would survive. Her breathing was still shallow but much more stable now compared to a few minutes ago.

"Yes, live, Klaud. Fight again another day. Don't you dare go down without me," I murmured. A heavy weight seemed to be alleviated from my heart. I smiled and wiped my face with my sleeves. Timcampy fluttered around my head excitedly. "Don't you dare tell anyone about this. I just got mud in my eyes!" I hissed at the golem. Klaud's wounds were serious, especially the ones on her face. A huge patch of skin was burnt in addition to blade cuts. I picked Klaud up gently, allowing her head to rest safely on my shoulder. She was still bleeding as I ran. Her warm blood soaked onto my uniform and her body was getting cold. I stopped and rested Klaud on the soft ground gently. I took off my trench coat and wrapped the woman in it. I hoped the warmth would make her feel better until she got proper medical care.

I picked up Klaud again. She was light despite her fully developed body. I felt a wave of shamefulness washed over me as my eyesight unintentionally lingered on her body a few times as we headed back to the Headquarters. If she realized I carried her in my arms in a traditional bridal style, she would inflict more terrifying marks on my face than Road Kamelot would. But that, I won't mind at all.

General Klaud Nine, I – General Marian Cross – would not let you die in action today. … Klaud, I – Cross – refused to let you leave me just yet.

"Oh my, you are awake at last!" I was startled by the new nurse in the intensive care ward of Black Order hospital wing. It was rare that I had forgotten her name. Usually I could remember every girl in town. I must be very tired. It had been tough, waiting for Klaud to wake up… for four days since I carried her back to the headquarters. I even dozed off a while ago. The medical team rushed her to the operation room when we arrived and they refused to let me in. I went back to my room, got myself cleaned up and went straight back to the hospital wing. It was about 14 hours later when the door of the operation theatre opened again. I followed them as they transferred her to the intensive care ward. I sat down on the edge of her bed and watched her bandaged face and arms quietly. Her body and legs were well covered by the blanket and hidden from view, but I believed they were also heavily bandaged. The hospital bed was fairly spacious for a single person, so I could sit comfortably by her side for a long time without disturbing her.

For four days I had sat there, waiting and praying. I seldom initiate a conversation with God, especially when actually asking something from Him. So He knew I really meant it. Finally, Klaud woke up from her deep slumber. I could tell from her parted lips as she tried to speak. No words formed from her lips. The last time I heard her voice was when she mumbled in her sleep, calling out to her team mates. I could still see the faintly pink tear mark on the bandages above her eyes. It was said that when one was in terrible grief, blood instead of tears would roll out of your eyes.

"Don't worry dear, you're back in the Order now. You're safe. Please take more rests, you are not even half recovered from the massive number of terrible wounds. Your eyes had bacterial infections but were already treated while you were still in the coma," the young nurse spoke to Klaud in a soft voice. I leaned in closer, trying to get a good look at the awakened Klaud. My heart ached to see her trembling like a frightened kitten. If there was anything I could do to comfort her, I would have done it. I placed my hand lightly onto her forehead. Honestly I did not know what I was doing. I brushed aside the few strands of hair clinging onto her face before I withdrew my hand.

The nurse continued, "However, the doctor said it is best to let them rest for a while longer before taking off the bandages. Besides, General Cross Marian specifically ordered that you are to be bed-bound until fully recovered."

I snickered at heart as the nurse told Klaud that it was by my order that she could not leave the ward until fully recovered. However, I carefully instructed the nurse not to let Klaud know I was there beside her and worried sick for the past four days. That would really ruin my 'good' manly image.

"What! Where is that man… that traitor!" Klaud exclaimed weakly as she tried to sit up in bed. I was a bit surprised. Did she just call me a 'traitor'? I had absolutely no idea why she would describe me with that vocabulary. The phrase 'horrible man' coming from her sweet lips was what I expected. Klaud had always been gentle in her way of speech and I had never heard her say one rude sentence since I met her. I focused back to reality as I saw some blood soaking out of her wounds. I held her back down firmly by her shoulder. Apparently, there was another blade wound on her right shoulder as a small amount of blood began to emerge from under my grip. I grimaced at the sight of her struggling painfully. I really wished I could hold her in my arms and calm her down. But that would be as dangerous as sticking your hand into the mouth of an angry wolf. The nurse looked worriedly at me but I smiled back to reassure her it would be fine. I could handle Klaud. I gestured the nurse to step back from the bed and she nearly swooned from my charms. Luckily, Klaud gave up struggling sooner than I thought. The way she inhaled deeply from the pain made me felt guilty for holding her down so hard. But if I didn't, she would instinctly spring to her feet and rip open every wound on her body.

"Please stay still dear, otherwise the stitched up wounds will be torn apart. Oh, and you, please be gentle on her, the wounds are difficult to treat if they get infections," the nurse giggled, unwittingly blowing up my cover. I frowned. Now Klaud knew I was there, the owner of the hand that forced her down and caused her pain. She could not see me yet when her eyes were still bandaged. I hoped she would think I was another medical staff. Fearing she would do something out of a sudden, I kept her down and watched over her. Strangely, she seemed calm.

"General Marian, remove your hand… NOW." Klaud spoke quietly, putting a lot of emphasis on the last word. She never called me by my first name. I would really want to hear the word 'Cross' coming from her pink lips. Not 'General Cross Marian', 'General Marian' or 'Marian Cross'. Just plain 'Cross', like I affectionately called her 'Klaud'. She seemed to be gaining back a certain amount of energy now despite the wounds. I could tell from the way she communicated with me. I adored this cool lady and I refused to let her walk away easily after accusing me of being a traitor.

I cleared my throat and said, "I didn't know you miss me this much, Klaud honey. It touches my heart to hear you calling for me. But still, you will pay for calling me a traitor, in addition to the three bottles of red wine you already owe me." I moved slightly forward, but careful not to have contact with Klaud's body except my hand on her shoulder. The last thing I wanted was Klaud mistaking me for taking advantage of her under such a condition. I could sense her body tensed up. She must have felt my presence at close proximity. My face was several inches away from hers and her seductively slightly parted lips looked more than inviting. Hearing no reply from her, I slowly brushed my thumb on her shoulder, pressing softly occasionally on her bandages. There was still no sound from Klaud but a squirm that she tried to hide. I understood all too well how a suitable degree of pain would elicit ecstasy.

"Leave us, my good nurse," I smirked at the nurse. She knowingly nodded and left the room quickly. The door of the ward closed with a soft thud after her. The ward was now empty with just us. Great, now I could enjoy some quality time with my Klaud.

"Now, tell me about this 'traitor' thing, my love. What did I possibly have done to earn such a rewarding title? I did just save your precious little ass four days ago, in case your memory system was still rebooting," I asked, circling my thumb slowly on her wound, applying just enough force to make Klaud shivered from time to time so that I would know she didn't pass out during my interrogation.

She finally whispered, "… Just do it, General Marian. Make it swift for I had suffered enough of losing the ones I loved." Klaud bit her lips so hard that it bled. My God, this woman was so good at wounding herself. "I should have joined them four days ago," she trailed off but I caught every word clearly. My heart bled at her words.

So she still wanted to die. But die by my hands? I knew she was not fond of me but why would she think I would kill her? And I was worrying that she might mistaken me for doing something erotically sadistic. I could tell she wanted to cry again. Her pride was really overwhelming to allow her breaking down before me. Her body was trembling and I let go off her. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. For the first time in my life, as a very successful 'womanizer' as the others praised me, I did not know what to say to the only woman I had truly loved in my life.

The clock was ticking away annoyingly on the wall. Her face was staring at me although her eyes were hidden behind the bandages. How could I efficiently let her know my feelings? I ran out of ideas. It hurt me to see her like this, giving away her life so easily. Giving up her life so easily for the already deceased when there was still a living man right here. A man that loved her dearly. ME! Marian Cross!

So fragile, she looked as though she would fade into dust any moment. I closed my eyes and gave her a soft embrace. I tried to help her sit up in bed. Maybe she would feel less scared when not lying in a so vulnerable position.

Klaud pounded her powerless fists on my back, banging and clawing like a scared animal immediately upon contact with my body. This was not unexpected. She tried to push me away but I held onto her tightly. I refused to let her go. Would she ever realize my genuine feelings for her? Seemed not. It didn't seem to work out as I hoped and I released her. I let her rest her back on the head board of the bed. We were only within one-feet of distance of each other but why were our hearts so far apart? Klaud was always on the other side of the ocean. And my boat was always sunk in the storm.

"You were there and you watched them die! You traitor!" Klaud hissed suddenly with all the strength she had left. "It's all my fault! I led them to their deaths! I should have died with them!" she screamed.

I looked at her sadly. So that was why she thought I was a traitor. And that was why she wanted to die. She thought she had failed her team. Blood bled from beneath her bandages. Her tears carried along her blood down her cheeks. I tried to look away from her. It was not a frightening scene. It was too heart breaking. Klaud hid her face in her palms and pulled her knees up, reducing herself into a fetus position. I remained silent while she wept. I guess that was all I could and the best I could do now.

I saw it clearly now… Malcom Rouvelier. He had always wanted to dispose of Klaud. That clever man, knowing how to manipulate this poor girl's personality and planning to dispose of her in the battlefield. Come to think of it, it wouldn't be that hard for Rouvelier to persuade Klaud that she was more than able to take on the Noah by herself. This foolish girl, too much pride to be blinded by that devilish man's words. Klaud would have thought of my warnings before this mission if not for Rouvelier. If I had just given Rouvelier the finger and came to Klaud's rescue sooner, her entire team would have lived. If I had got there sooner. It was my fault things turned out this way. So it was actually my fault this happened.

I touched Klaud's head softly. She was quiet now. Crying had exhausted her. I caressed her hair and tilted her head upwards with care. I wanted to see her face again. She didn't resist and I leaned her back onto the head board. Looking at her, I swore silently. I glided my hand over her bandaged eyes and swore that I would never let this happen again. Even if that meant to go against the Vatican.

"I'm sorry, Klaud," I whispered. So softly, it was barely audible to myself.

-to be continued-


	3. Chapter 1 : Reason to Live

Note: -man is a Japanese manga(& anime) written and drawn by Katsura Hoshino. If you haven't read it, go read it! It's one of the few manga that still got me addicted.

Disclaimer: I do not own the -man characters, never did and never will, no matter how much I like them. This is just a fan work, it is not for commercial use and is done solely for the sake of fan-girlism.

Forewords: This fanfiction started in 2008 and I never did finish it. I originally planned to write four chapters, two from Cross' viewpoint and two from Klaud's. Somehow, I wrote a draft for chapter three and then my mortal time got absorbed into my daytime work entirely. I feel so sorry for leaving my readers hanging there. Now, I am back, full of energy and devotion once again! Chapter one and two have been edited and re-written, and chapter three is new.  
I hope you will enjoy it and feedbacks are always welcomed and appreciated!

_**Chapter One : Reason to Live**_

How long had it been? I could faintly remember.

I was lying flat on my back, bathing in the familiar stink of old blood. My body felt cooler by the minute while the wet muddy pool beneath me became surprisingly warmer. I just laid there, legs stretched out. Too tired to move and too numbed to feel anymore physical pain. I let my eyelids slid downwards, closing out the dim light misting through the tree tops of this little wood. Or what was left of this poor little woodland after such a fierce battle with the Akumas. The poor souls, forever trapped in the "weapons" created by the Millennium Earl until their destruction. A cold soft breeze brushed against my face. My face was not burning anymore from the deep cuts. I knew I must be very ugly from the deformation… but who would care for a pretty little face when I was queuing at the stairway to thy Kingdom. There was that soft breeze again. I could still faintly hear the heart-tearing shrieks of the human souls inside the Akumas echoing in my head. It must have been my imagination. There was no Akuma left. I wiped them all out. Just like what they did to my squad.

I failed my team, my comrades, my family. They trusted me. I failed them just as General Cross Marian expected. Maybe I should have listened to him. He had been a General longer than I had been, he had more battle experience and he was a smart scientist. No, my judgments were not entirely incorrect… but neither was his. We were ambushed by the Akumas in this Dark Forest as I had expected. We were also ambushed by a Noah just as he had predicted. The Noah Clan was the beloved family of the Millennium Earl. The delivery of a dozen of Innocence via this route was too tempting for the Millennium Earl to resist. Cross Marian told me explicitly that the Earl would send out one of his finest to do the job. I didn't take his words seriously, thinking he was looking down on a female General. I should have taken his advice. I was... too naïve. This was my first and maybe last time I would set eyes on the Noah again. She looked as though she was just a spooky little girl. How could such a child be a Noah? Road Kamelot, I would never forget her name. The way she introduced herself while stabbing me with her sharp blade after the Akumas had sent my troops onto the ground. They never got up again. Here I laid beside the remaining bodies that did not crumble into dust. They should be waiting for me in front of Heaven's gate now and I shouldn't keep them waiting. It had been my fault that, instead of heading back to the headquarters of the Black Order, they ended up in Heaven. I sighed slowly, releasing the last breath out of my lungs. Dear God...

"How much time are you going to waste here? Get up when you already had enough beauty sleep. I want my red wine," a deep voice broadcasted through the thick mist.

That voice sounded familiar. It was him. General Cross Marian was here to bear witness to my failure. Despite my tiredness, I snapped open my eyes. The instant movement stung hard on my damaged face muscles and the sharp pain sent me speechless.

"Shouldn't have sent a girl to do a man's job in the first place," he shrugged and was kneeling down beside me. "Now they want me to clean up the mess that you have stirred up."

My face muscle twitched again. I squinted my eyes at the shadow looming over me. That face, half hiding behind the pale mask, decorated by tangled masses of long fiery red hair, was the last thing I thought I would ever see again. His voice was so calm and emotionless. Even face-to-face with death, I heard that this man could still laugh and make jokes about the Akumas. So that must be true. Before me was a man so cold that he would still mock me at this moment when I was dying. No wonder he had no squad of his own.

"I told you, Noah was a tough one. And the Earl sent Road. No wonder your ass was kicked bad. You owe me three bottles of red wine," Cross smirked.

How did he know the Earl had sent Road? He was nearby? He had been watching all along? And he did nothing to help? He let us all suffered and even die? I had to glare at him even if my eye balls were going to roll out of their sockets. My vision was blurred from the blood on my face but I could still see the man's face at close distance. Up to now, he didn't even offer a hand to help me! He was just there, talking nonsense. I had too many questions flaring up but I could only just glare at him in silence.

"What? You didn't forget, did you? I bet you three bottles of red wine that you will be attacked by a Noah. Your brains are not mashed, are they?" Cross frowned slightly, leaning closer as if to really examine whether my brain was still intact inside my fractured skull.

The veins on my head must have popped up so evidently that even the angel of death would be scared off. If I were to die, I would bring down this horrible man with me. I clenched my teeth, with all my remaining strength, flexed my back and snapped my head upwards. I could hear the cracking of my backbone and the blood streaming down my face. The pain was excruciating but I was pleased to hear a muffled yelp from the bastard as my forehead impacted on his bearded chin. It felt good and a wave of blackness overwhelmed me. I flopped back down flat on my back.

"What the hell? You are not passing out on me here, Klaud! I will not carry you back to the headquarters!" Cross yelled.

I would not die, not until I bring down this traitor with me. I told my squad that in my deep slumber. I tried to apologize to them but they just waved and smiled. They turned and walked into the distant light. Was that a farewell? I tried to run after them, but the faster I ran, the further they drifted towards the whiteness ahead. I called out to all of them but I was sucked backwards into blackness. They didn't turn back for me and I was left behind. I guess that was goodbye.

How long had I been passed out? I didn't know. When I finally regained consciousness, I was still in the dark.

"Oh my, you are awake at last!" said a gentle female voice.

I turned my head towards the voice. My eyes must have been bandaged and I couldn't open my eyes. My eyelids hurt when I tried to flip them open. I shifted my arms a bit and felt the materials underneath me. I must be in the intensive care ward inside the Black Order hospital wing. The bedding and smell of disinfectant were all so familiar to me. I parted my lips. I had questions to ask but I already knew the answer. Trembling, I grasped weakly at the sheets beneath my hands. I was the only casualty there. My men did not come back with me.

"Don't worry dear, you're back in the Order now. You're safe. Please take more rests, you are not even half recovered from the massive number of terrible wounds," the gentle voice approached closer. "Your eyes had bacterial infections but they were already treated while you were still in the coma." There was a gentle reassuring touch on my forehead. She continued in a motherly tone, "However, the doctor said it is best to let them rest for a while longer before taking off the bandages. Besides, General Cross Marian specifically ordered that you are to be bed-bound until fully recovered."

"What!" I squeaked upon hearing that name, "Where is that man… that traitor!" I tried to sit up in the dark but a large hand pinned me back down. That hand held me firmly by my right shoulder, squeezing on one of the blade wounds. I wriggled for one second and then gave up, inhaling deeply from the pain.

"Please stay still dear, otherwise the stitched up wounds will be torn apart," said the nurse softly. "Oh, and you, please be gentle on her, the wounds are difficult to treat if they get infections." I heard the nurse giggled slightly and I knew the owner of that hand was in a position of doing something that a woman with decent morale would despise. General Cross Marian was notoriously infamous for being a womanizer. But then again, I had nothing to worry about, not after my face was scarred and him only targeting on pretty girls.

"General Marian, remove your hand… NOW," I greeted the master of that hand.

"I didn't know you miss me this much, Klaud honey. It touches my heart to hear you calling for me. But still, you will pay for calling me a traitor, in addition to the three bottles of red wine you already owe me," he replied in a cheerful tone. I could imagine that sly grin spreading across his face right now. His hand tightened on my shoulder and I bit onto my lower lip to prevent the painful gasp from escaping. His thumb was deliberately rubbing slowly on my wound. He was sitting on the edge of the bed and I could feel he was inching closer.

"Leave us, my good nurse," ordered the General.

I heard the soft thud of the door closing across the ward. Marian was going to kill me now. I knew he was a traitor to the Black Order. He sent the nurse away so no one would witness this murder. I never dreamt I would be murdered by a fellow General. Not General Cross Marian… not Cross…

"Now, tell me about this 'traitor' thing, my love. What did I possibly have done to earn such a rewarding title? I did just save your preciously little ass four days ago, in case your memory system was still rebooting."

"… Just do it, General Marian. Make it swift. I had suffered enough of losing the ones I loved," I breathed as I tasted the salty blood on my lips and fought hard to hold back the tears. They were about to wet the bandages. The last thing I wanted to show this man was weakness. "I should have joined them four days ago," I whispered between clenched teeth.

It seemed he was searching for some cruel words from his sadistic database to respond to me. There was a brief moment of silence. I didn't want to speak to him anymore. I couldn't see the facial appearance of the other man but I knew it would be anything but comforting. Maybe he was trying to figure out which method would be the most efficient to end my life and without leaving any evidence against him. He removed his grip from my shoulder at last, replacing it with a soft embrace. He then tried to get me to sit up. I would not be fooled, I understood very well what he was trying to do! How desperate could this man get? I tried to push the other body away quickly, my arms thrashing and hitting his back like a mad woman. He was too close! I could sense his tobacco-tainted breath on my right cheek. How dared him taking advantage of me like this! He finally backed off, releasing me from his arms. I rested my back on the head board, now sitting upright in position.

Into the darkness I hissed, "You were there and you watched them die! You traitor!" I finally let my last remaining guard crashed. I burst into tears and screamed, "It's all my fault! I led them to their deaths! I should have died with them!"

The clock was ticking on the wall. My own fierce heart beats and uncontrolled cries filled my ears. My face was all wet and I felt drained of blood. I pulled up my knees and rested my head onto them. I sobbed and embraced myself tightly, hoping the nasty man would go away. I didn't know for how long I had cried, until I was too tired and out of breath to continue. Silence crept back into the room when I finally stopped weeping. The room was quiet, he must have left already. So it was also true that the invincible General Marian was helpless against women's tears. Maybe he wasn't planning to humiliate me just yet. Not when I was in such a pathetic state.

I owed the man an apology. I knew very well the death of my squad was entirely my own responsibility. He did save my life.

The soundless room convinced me I was alone again. Startled by a light touch on my head, I trembled and refused to move from my current position. Cross was still here. He caressed my hair and tilted my head away from my knees. His touch was gentle but I kept still as if I was frozen. He glided his hand over my bandaged eyes. "I'm sorry, Klaud," whispered the General and he stood up from the mattress. His footsteps faded into the distance and vanished behind the closed door.

Why were you sorry, Cross? You were too late to save everyone... but you saved me.

-to be continued-


End file.
